


Articulation

by Starfaeri



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series), Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Autistic Meltdown, Autistic Red (Pokemon), Blue being a good husband, Family Drama, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, Selectively Mute Red (Pokemon), rsd, selective mutism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:35:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27564640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starfaeri/pseuds/Starfaeri
Summary: Red is doing his best to overcome his high anxiety, but when he overhears someone talking about him, he is crushed.
Relationships: Blue/Red, Ookido Green | Blue Oak & Ookido Nanami | Daisy Oak, Ookido Green | Blue Oak/Red, Red & Ookido Nanami | Daisy Oak
Comments: 12
Kudos: 100





	Articulation

**Author's Note:**

> Red is autistic and has selective mutism in this. A clarification about selective mutism beforehand, because I have it myself and see a lot of misconceptions spread about it in fanworks. It is a severe anxiety disorder, where a person loses the ability to speak in certain situations/with certain people. The disorder has a misleading name and the person with it does not ever choose when/where to be mute, but it can be helped with therapy. It is not a funny quirk used to manipulate or mess with people, it is not someone who just doesn’t feel like talking either, it is an actual mental disorder/disability that is often very distressing, with debilitating social anxiety. A lot of us adults with it prefer to call it 'situational mutism' instead, but unfortunately that's not mainstream/official terminology.
> 
> Thanks for reading that mini rant first! lol
> 
> Also content warning for some self injurious stims.

Red was worried, anxious, and terrified, even in this average place. He'd felt like this before, when he was about to face Giovanni, when he suddenly had to deal with being in the spotlight after becoming Champion, and when he thought that he and Blue might never be on good terms again. But right now his fear was over a simple shopping trip with his sister-in-law Daisy. 

The thing is, Red often felt sheer terror in mundane social situations such as this. The paradox of the person who'd had the courage to take on Team Rocket and go on to become Kanto's youngest Pokémon Champion. His strong sense of justice was the reason he faced down the criminal organisation in the first place, he couldn't stand their cruel treatment of innocent Pokémon. His need to help them overrode all other emotions, even though his anxiety was severe enough that he physically couldn't speak to most people.

It was little wonder he ran away to Mt. Silver for five years when the pressure of being Champion, and all the socialising and press it entailed, became too overwhelming for him. The guilt of vanishing without a word and deeply hurting those he cared about crushed him, ironically it was part of what had left him stuck at the freezing mountain top even longer. 

When he came back down to civilisation, he vowed to conquer the worst of his avoidant tendencies and never hurt those he loved like that again. 

So here he found himself, six years after returning, sifting through a luxurious new clothing store in the middle of Celadon City, spending quality time with Daisy. He needed to find some smart but casual clothing for an upcoming party for Kanto's gym leaders. He didn't want to disappoint his husband, Blue, by not attending. The concept of 'smart casual' clothing baffled Red, fashion he simply did not understand. Luckily Daisy volunteered to help him pick out such clothes.

Red had known Daisy pretty much all his life, but for some reason she was just one of those people he was intimidated by no matter long they'd known each other. There was no rational reason behind it and it frustrated him, he'd taken down a crime boss for goodness sake! Yet Daisy, who was always pleasant to him and offered him tea whenever he went over to see Blue as a kid, scared him. Some people were just categorised that way in his brain, especially if they were ones he thought highly of.

The problem was that now he also had the very real guilt of hurting Blue by disappearing all those years ago. He felt more intimidated by her than ever, even though she showed no signs of resentment, and had happily attended their wedding.

“Red, I think this dark grey shirt here would really suit you!” Daisy chimed from a few racks away.

He approached and took a look. It was a decent enough plain, button up shirt, he just needed to cut out the itchy tag at the neck.

“What do you think?” Daisy asked.

“I like it,” he quietly replied.

“Alright, do you wanna get it then?”

Red nodded. He was fine with getting the first thing he liked. Being out in public like this where he could be recognised as the famous Champion any moment was still really hard, especially without Blue by his side. Fortunately Pikachu's soft presence was on his shoulder. He wanted this shopping trip over with as soon as possible.

“Did you see anything else you wanna get?” She asked.

“Just...this,” he held up a lint roller, and avoided eye contact “f-for Pikachu's fur...it gets everywhere.”

Daisy beamed. “Good idea! You should get one for Blue as well, you've seen the amount of Eevee fur on him.”

“H-he'll become an Eevee at this rate.”

Daisy laughed. Red smiled bashfully. Despite his high anxiety and sweaty palms, he was inwardly elated that he just managed to say three whole sentences to Daisy, he even elaborated a little and made a joke! Before today he hadn't been able to say a single word to her since coming down from Mount Silver. Pleased that his recent therapy was helping, he looked through more of the clothes.

He eventually found the rest of his outfit, some black trousers and cap toe shoes.

Outside the weather was chilly, ideal for Red. He was overall happy with how the afternoon went, he'd been terrified beforehand but he'd mostly been fine after all. Daisy picked up some iced tea on the way home, and Red was again pleased with himself when he told her that he wanted some melon soda. By this point his throat hurt and he felt drained, something inside him was repulsed by speaking this much, but he pushed down the feeling, this was progress! By the time they were done shopping he was constantly petting Pikachu's soft comforting fur. 

Red shut himself away for the next few days to recover, and soon the night of the gym leaders party arrived. The leaders were supposed to take turns hosting these at their particular gyms, although Blue was out of town frequently enough that the Viridian gym would often be skipped. This time however, Blue was present and thus it was his turn. Somehow he always managed to arrive late when he did host his own parties, and this one was no different. 

Eventually Blue made his grand entrance, along with Red, and both of them looked very stylish. Red still sported his regular hat, it was a comfort item, his own protective shield that he couldn't be without. Pikachu was perched on his right shoulder as his other shield.

The main battle arena of the gym was fancifully set up with speakers playing music from Blue's own personal playlist, including the occasional Kalosian pop song. There was a lavish buffet of snacks, and various seating areas. Every Kanto gym leader was here, plus other official gym trainers and staff.

“Babe, remember you can bail anytime this gets too much, okay?” Blue reassured Red. 

Red nodded and they made their way to two massive green sofas that had been set up to one side. Daisy, Misty, and a brunette woman that Red didn't recognise were all sitting there chatting already. 

“Late again Blue, I've been playing host for the thousandth time whilst you took forever making your way downstairs,” Daisy lamented. 

“C'mon, you know I gotta build the anticipation of my arrival, besides hair this good takes time to perfect,” Blue said arrogantly. 

The facade dropped instantly though upon seeing that Daisy was actually a little mad at him.

“Okay, okay, next time I'll be here to greet everyone from the start, I swear.”

“You two do look so handsome though!” the mystery woman suddenly interjected, wanting to break the tension.

“Thanks, we usually do.” Blue smirked. “You look cute yourself, um?”

“Ah, this is my friend, Elora!” Daisy quickly said. 

“Elora works at my gym, and I introduced them last year,” Misty piped in. “She's a pretty decent water trainer, and makes the best tea.” 

“Ooh I don't know about the best tea,” Daisy pouted. “Misty, come try some tea at mine and see if you stand by that statement.”

Red and Blue sat down with them and the conversation continued amicably. Red tried to look engaged, but there was no hope of him being able to even attempt to speak in a group, that was just beyond him, especially in a party setting. But he listened in, and when he really had to say something he whispered it in Blue's ear, or typed it out on his brand new Rotom phone to show Blue, who relayed the message if necessary.

The party was truly alive and Blue needed to go mingle with the other gym leaders, he also wanted to dance, after a couple drinks. 

“Are you sure you'll be alright alone?” Blue asked.

“yes, i need to get out of my comfort zone” Red typed on his phone's chat app.

Blue read the text on the screen. “You're already way out of your comfort zone dude, don't push yourself too hard, I'll be back soon.”

Blue was worried, but he didn't want to hover over Red all night and make him feel babied. 

Red watched him go off and talk to Erika by the impromptu dance floor. Pikachu soon needed to stretch his limbs and ran off after spotting Blue's Eevee hanging out with Misty's Starmie, and some other Pokémon in a corner. Red still sat with Misty, Daisy and Elora, but without two of his biggest supports, he felt uneasy. He was made for raising, aiding, and training Pokémon, not socialising with human beings. 

A few times he desperately wanted to add to their conversation, especially when they discussed different water type moves, but he just couldn't do it. He was also too self conscious to type out responses on his phone and directly show people himself, usually Blue just read out what he typed. Having other people read off his screen was irrationally embarrassing.

Unfortunately the girls didn't really engage with him either, but he was used to this by now. Not speaking meant people didn't include him, usually out of awkward apprehension, so he didn't blame them. It didn't help that he often held a stoic, sometimes angry looking expression, it made him seem intimidating even though he was an anxious mess inside. He wished Leaf was here, she was someone else he could actually speak to, but she was off travelling all the way in Unova for a couple months. He missed her.

Eventually he felt so awkward silently sitting there that he signalled Pikachu to come back to him, stood up, and walked over to the buffet table for a snack. Embarrassed and frustrated, he hoped everyone wasn't judging him for being a master Pokémon trainer, yet somehow, unable to interact with humans. He fought against such anxious thoughts, that was just the bad side of his brain talking after all.

This particular song grated his senses though. Blue was careful not to have the music be too loud, but there was a bizarre scraping sound effect in this current song, and it was making Red feel ill. He needed to step outside, and texted Blue to let him know where he went.

He sat outside on the gym's back porch, taking in the cool air and shining night sky. Away from the scraping music and now admiring the stars, he felt able to relax. Alone he was comfortable enough to verbal stim a little under his breath.

“Pi, pi, pi, pi,” he stimmed.

Red gently rocked and gave Pikachu a loving squeeze, he nuzzled Red's face in return. They sat quietly together for a few moments. Even though it was uncomfortable he was doing really well tonight, hopefully Blue was proud of him for sticking it out. He made plans to tell his therapist of his progress during the past week. Soon though his quiet break was interrupted when he heard two people talking through the bathroom's open window off to the side of the back porch.

“Red didn't speak to me at all”. He could tell that was Daisy's water trainer friend, Elora. Ouch, he hated when people bluntly pointed it out.

“Yeah well I've known him all his life and he still won't speak to me,” Daisy retorted.

Red's heart dropped. He had felt so proud of himself, he thought he was making real progress. Yet here was Daisy derisively claiming that he'd never spoken to her, despite him using all his courage to say a few things to her the other day. Apparently that didn't count. Was that how she really felt about him, bitter that he was still mostly mute? How could he be so stupid? His chest physically stung with rejection, the pain spread all the way to his fingertips. He wasn't good enough.

He felt the tears welling up and bolted back into the gym and upstairs into his and Blue's shared apartment. 

\-------------

Red had been gone for a long while, Blue was becoming concerned. He was glad that Red texted him, that he was looking after himself by taking a break, but he'd been gone for over twenty minutes now. Blue excused himself and went looking for him. He went to the back porch where Red's text said he would be, but just as he suspected Red wasn't there anymore. He headed back inside where he saw Pikachu waiting for him in the hallway. With a sinking feeling he followed the yellow Pokémon upstairs. 

It was pitch black on the landing, but Blue knew better than to think that meant Red wasn't up here somewhere. He flicked the light switch on in their bedroom, and sure enough, there was Red sitting on the floor in front of the bookcase, with his knees drawn up in front of him. He was quietly sobbing, and frantically rubbed the carpet between his fingertips whilst rocking hard. Blue closed the door and approached him gently.

“Hey, I'm here now, I'm right beside you, Pikachu is too.”

Red continued rubbing the carpet, he got more vigorous, almost giving himself friction burns, but it grounded him.

Blue didn't want Red to hurt himself, but the worst thing he could do would be to touch or hug him at the moment. He gave Red some space with the occasional comforting words. His heart always broke when he saw the man he loved in so much distress. When they were children he didn't understand and found Red super weird and told him so to his face, much to his regret.

Red had forgiven him, and now they'd been through so much together, they'd even gotten married. With maturity and experience on his side, Blue waited patiently. When Red's movements calmed down a little, he began to ask him questions.

“Do you want me to get you some water?”

Red shook his head.

“Tissues?” 

Red nodded, and Blue fished some tissues for him out of the desk drawer in their room. Red sniffled and gently wiped his face. Another couple of minutes passed. Pikachu brushed his head against Red's arm, and Red gave him a small smile. 

“Can you type out what happened?” Blue asked. “If you can.” 

Red rummaged in his pocket for his phone, opened his chat app and began to type.

“music had gross scraping noises, couldn't cope.”

“Wow, I'm sorry man, I should've checked my music more carefully.”

Red twiddled with his phone, like he wanted to type more.

“Babe, was there something else you wanted to say?”

Red stopped and started typing several times. He wasn't sure if he really wanted to tell Blue what he'd heard, it was embarrassing, and he was probably overreacting anyway. He didn't want to lie to Blue either though, he could always tell when he had more on his mind. After several minutes of internal debate and slow typing, he held up his phone and confessed what had tipped him into full meltdown.

“music did really make me feel ill so went out back. Overheard Daisy and Elora talking in bathroom about me. Elora complained I never spoke to her, Daisy said 'yeah well i've known him all his life and he still won't speak to me'

she sounded mad/bitter, it hurt a lot.”

Blue looked at the text and his expression soured. Usually it was Gramps who made insensitive comments about people, not Daisy. Now he knew why Red was so crushed. Red put forth extra effort this week, but now it had been thrown back in his face. Blue's temper flared.

“I'm gonna go tell her that was shitty, she should know by now that you can't help being mute, I can't believe her!” He grumbled, stopping himself from full on yelling.

Red panicked and rapidly typed “don't say anything. Please!!”

“She should know that what she said was not okay.” Blue protested.

Red was getting worked up again, but managed to meekly say “No, no...I'm just...stupid.”

“That's not true.” Blue said sternly.

“I-is!” Red smacked himself on the head in frustration.

“No, babe, it's not,” Blue tentatively grabbed Red's arm and gently pulled it down. He waited a moment.

“Can I hug you?”

Red nodded and they embraced for a while. Eventually Blue pulled away, deep in thought.

“Okay, look, I don't know why on earth Daisy said that, but you're not stupid, and you've pushed yourself really hard lately, you've spoken more than ever, I've noticed.” Blue frowned, and thought for a moment before speaking further. “Babe, I just want you to know, it is okay if you can never talk to some people either.” He flicked his hair defiantly. “They can just deal with it.”

Red was warmed by Blue's reassurance, he felt validated that he'd made progress after all, and also accepted as to how he was.

Blue continued. “I've gotta confess, I've been worried lately that you're burning yourself out, you locked yourself away for days after your shopping trip. Like, if this is your limit of how much you can speak that's okay. You've got me and your phone to help you communicate too.”

Red didn't like the idea that this was his limit. What if he just needed to force himself more? The very idea exhausted him though. He reluctantly had to admit that working with his brain wiring rather than against it might benefit him more. His therapist had mentioned before that recovery doesn't always mean being 100% cured, but rather, adapting.

“Thank you.” Red told Blue earnestly.

Blue blushed, glad he could say the right thing nowadays and help Red.

“Did you want to stay up here for the rest of the night?” Blue inquired.

“...Yes, sorry.” Red said softly.

“I have to head back down, annoyingly I still have to host this party. Will you be okay up here?”

Red nodded. Pikachu jumped back into Red's lap and Blue knew that he would be alright. 

Just as Blue was about to turn around and head out of their bedroom, there was a knock at the door. It startled them both, and during Blue's hesitation to answer, the door started to open.

“Blue, everyone's wondering where you went. Don't be rude, come back do- oh.” 

Daisy cut herself off as she wandered into the room, Eevee followed in behind her. She took in the sight of Red still curled up on the floor, and instantly knew she shouldn't have just walked in like this. 

“Oh, I didn't know, um, don't worry I'll come back later.” She started backing up.

“Wait.” Blue suddenly said. He looked back to Red. “Can I? I'll leave it if you really want me to.”

Red squirmed, he wanted the ground to swallow him whole. Seeing Daisy right now was the last thing he wanted, but he appreciated Blue's need to support him and felt better after his earlier reassurance. Plus he couldn't stand this tension any longer. He timidly gave Blue a thumbs up.

“What's going on?” Daisy was baffled.

Confident with his husband's permission, Blue composed himself. He wanted to stay calm and not let his temper take over like in his countless confrontations with his grandfather. This was Daisy, she was usually reasonable.

“So, I had to come up here to comfort Red. He had a meltdown, because of you.”

Daisy was taken aback. “Huh?”

“He overheard you sneering about him to Elora earlier.”

“What, no, I didn't.” She was really perplexed now.

Blue sighed and picked up Red's phone. “This is what Red told me he heard you say; 'Yeah well I've known him all his life and he still won't speak to me.' He also said you sounded pretty bitter about it.”

“I-” Daisy faltered, she DID remember saying that now. 

“You know that's not true Daisy, Red HAS spoken to you, this week in fact. And you know how hard it is for him to speak at all, so to hear you say that when he's been making a huge effort was pretty damn hurtful.”

Red buried his face in Pikachu's fur. Being in the middle of this confrontation was too humiliating, and he immediately regretted giving Blue the go ahead. 

“I'm sorry.” Daisy offered weakly.

“It's not his fault you know, that he struggles to speak. Like, what the hell, you're even the one who explained that to me when we were kids!”

“I'm sorry.” Daisy tried again. “I wasn't thinking, I didn't mean it like that.”

“Then how DID you mean it?”

“Well, it's, it's silly.”

“Try me.”

“Just, okay, look, me and Elora can get really competitive sometimes. I-I was trying to one up her that I've known Red way longer and he still doesn't really talk to me, whereas she's only known him five minutes...I didn't know he was listening,” she trailed off.

Blue glared. Daisy gulped.

“But that's no excuse, I shouldn't have made that into a competition.”

“Sure shouldn't have.” Blue remarked shortly.

Daisy looked down in shame, she saw Red in the corner of her eye and winced. She just had to make this right! She collected herself and determinedly walked forward and crouched in front of Red, who now desperately avoided looking anywhere near her face.

“I really didn't mean it bitterly, I'm sorry it came across that way. I know this is just how you are, I know you've been giving it your all too, I don't think less of you. I-I was honestly just using you to get one up on a rival, and that wasn't cool.” 

Of course Red gave no outward response. Daisy grimaced, she truly regretted hurting Red like this, and hated herself for giving in to petty competitive urges. She'd almost been acting just how Blue did as an immature child. With age he had reigned in the worst of those tendencies, yet here she was, a full grown adult, giving in to them. 

She glimpsed at Pikachu in Red's arms, and affection bloomed in her chest. The Pokémon scowled up at her, but she dared to give him a gentle scratch behind the ears, which he tolerated. She looked back up at Red and said solemnly.

“Red, I'm sorry.”

He nodded. 

Daisy took that as her cue to back away. 

After an awkward pause Blue sighed. “Okay, thanks for apologising, though it's up to Red whether to forgive you or not.”

“I know,” she said.

Blue rubbed his nose. “Anyway, I think you should head back downstairs, I'll be down soon too. You can tell our guests I drank too much and needed to throw up or something.” 

Daisy pulled a face at that suggestion, but made her exit and closed the door behind her. Red slowly crawled to the bed where Pikachu, Eevee and Blue all joined him in a cuddle pile.

“What do you think? Do you forgive her?” Blue soon asked.

“...Yes...she was sincere. Just might...not...be able to speak to her again. But do forgive her.” Red whispered.

“You're far too nice, like you were with me.” 

“No...you're still the worst.”

“Very funny,” Blue chuckled. “Glad you're feeling better enough to joke.”

“Mm-hm.” Red paused. “Seriously though...y-you apologised and changed, and...I've hurt you before too.” 

“Meh.” Blue waved his hand, but of course it was true. Red's disappearance all those years ago was in fact the most emotionally painful thing he'd ever been through. Red was acutely aware of this too.

They all snuggled for about fifteen minutes before Blue noticed that Red had drifted off to sleep, the exhaustion of his meltdown and the confrontation with Daisy hitting him like a brick. Blue carefully disentangled himself from Red and the two Pokémon, and made his way back to the party. He told Daisy that Red forgave her, much to her relief, but also warned her not to do that to him again. 

He enjoyed the rest of the night, and everyone else had fun too. Satisfied with his success, he stumbled back into his and Red's bedroom late into the night, actually drunk now. He snuggled back up to Red who was still passed out in the same spot he left him in and went to sleep content.

\-------------

For a while things were awkward between Red and Daisy. He was extra anxious around her and avoided being alone with her whenever possible. He did forgive her, but any perceived sense of rejection from a person he cared about cut him to his very core and made him regress with them.

Gradually though Red began showing Daisy text responses on his phone during visits to her house, much to her glee. He wasn't sure if he'd be able to talk out loud to her again, it'd be a long time at the very least, so he stuck to using his chat app. 

Red learnt that this communication style was perfectly acceptable, not only with Daisy but with anyone. When he forced himself to physically speak too much it led to burnout. Over time he worked through his internalised shame of using screen text to communicate, and was better able to balance when and where to use up his 'speech spoons', as his therapist called them.

Ironically now that he didn't pressure himself so much to completely cure his muteness, he was starting to communicate with people more than he'd ever done before.

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly I didn't really know how to end this fic, but end it did!
> 
> So...yeah this is just giant self projection haha. Basically I'm autistic and have selective mutism and I kin Red, sooooooo here's a fic lol. This situation did happen to me in real life, though not with my sister-in-law (who is awesome), but someone else. 
> 
> What's funny is that this isn't even my own personal favourite headcanon for Red either, what I mean is that I prefer him to be totally nonverbal/mute as an adult, aka his selective mutism got to the point of progressive (total) mutism. BUT for the purposes of this fic where he's based more on myself, I had him not quite be at that level. 
> 
> Also, also, this is the first fanfic I have written in 16 years, so I'm sorry if it's not the best, I actually have some big problems with grammar. My lovely spouse helped me with some of their useful critique though. (Yes I'm in my 30s and haven't written a fanfic since I was a teenager lol). Anyway thank you for reading, this whole thing is pretty personal and scary to put out there!


End file.
